I’d rather be a human chandelier than to keep crying myself to sleep.

”    When he said it, it was such a simple explanation as to the events that had taken place prior to the conversation.  The weeks of long sexual intertwines with one another, with no actual feeling behind them, on one of  the parties parts, couldn’t have deserved a more swift answer to the question, “Why can’t we be together?”.  Finally, the answer I had been looking for, long and drawn out, had made me weary of this episode.  I knew that this was the end of us.  I turned up the radio and tried to drown out the sound of his words that kept echoing in the background of my mind, while keeping him in focus of the foreground of my eyesight.    There  was nothing wrong with me, not that anyone could see.  I was, and am what every guy perhaps would be looking for in a possible boyfriend.  No one could see the tortured person that I was at this point.  I kept my eyes on the road and then turned on The XX’s to try and focus on some kind of sound that would make me forget what he said, but he tried to talk over it.  He asked, “Do you want to talk about this anymore?”  I shook my head in a morbid fashion, trying to hold back all the tears I was holding onto.  ”If I just make to Wayne and Kristen’s, then I can cry in the shower”, I tell myself.    The car met the curb with a hard step on the break.  I removed myself from the car and walked inside, leaving him to wallow in what ever direction he needed to.  I make my passes bye and said my hellos to Kristen downstairs, and then Wayne in the office.  I get in the bathroom, close the door, lock it, and begin to strip.  It felt as though I was taking off my armor.  The plate that defends my chest from whomever may come near.  I hop in the shower, not caring about how hot or cold it is and begin to cry, letting out every shred of feeling I may have for him.  My phone begins to ring and plays, “Jesus Christ” by Brand New.  The mood was set and once again my life had turned into a cinematic climax of shit.  ”Great”, I say to myself.  Those words would forever ring in my head now, “We are best friends, and we have sex, and spend a lot of time together, but I think there has to be an emotional connection that’s deeper than this.”“

“Well, Jesus Christ, I’m alone again
So what did you do those three days you were dead?
‘cause this problem’s gonna last more than the weekend.”

I can not allow myself to suffer another painful romance. It’s a painful waltz with death.

The end! It’s approaching like a supernova! Here it comes to rip my skin from thy flesh. Take me in my sleep.

masturbation = sleep

why does boredom make me horny?

Let me speak for every gay man in the country.  Just because I am gay doesn’t mean that getting into a fight with me will be a hate crime! I can take a fucking punch, and I hope you can too! A good old fashion brawl never hurt anyone! I’ll buy you a beer after I kick your ass.

I think I am in love with my best friend…

I just want to forget you….